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Lord Help Me, Elizabeth This is the Big One
There are zombies and then there are toddlers with tiaras. I’ve been holed up in hotel rooms with very little free time to do anything other than treat my brain to flat screen mush. I have become a cable tv victim. Sprawled out on a dialed up sleep-number bed, like a character from Fear and Loathing in…
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When I grow up, I wanna…
“I’m so sick of being 24!” says my massage therapist. He’s digging his hands into my fleshy muscles and releasing my real world tension. As he rubs my backside, I think about how I’m: unemployed, have super crappy heath insurance, just paid a plumbing bill that started out at $350, and then, “Lady, it’s lookin’ more like a thousand…
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Clean up your junk
The guys were actually kind of on to something with their locker room jokes. I could tell by the escalated laughter resounding from the boys in the corner, that conversation had turned to the gutter. I decided to cross over the fence of ladies and move to the male side of the party. Who doesn’t love a…
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Let me take you on a magic mustache ride
The fake mustache trend showed up on the runway in 2008. Who would have thought that four years later, the accessory would still tickle both our fancy and our upper lip? My girlfriends and I got together last weekend for an annual pillow fight. Once in a blue moon, we kick our husbands, kids, and…
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My Husband’s Secret Weapon
Let’s get real, it’s not always the thought that counts. A bad gift is sometimes worse than nothing at all. It can leave the recipient wondering what about this so called present said “me?” One of my wedding gifts was a whimsical candle display that resembled a Ferris wheel. It had hearts all over and best of…
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My mama says…
The top was down on her silver convertible and my mother waved at me as I got off the train. When I got into her car, I gave her a funny look. “What are you listening to?” I ask. She gives me THE LOOK. “It’s Britney Spears, I like it’ she says. As we drive through Geneva,…
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7-year-old with a paycheck
I was seven years old when my parents dumped me off at Woodfield Mall. This was a childhood dream come true, a pocket full of money, stores galore…including one that sold nothing but cookies and best of all absolutely no mature supervision. Mind you, this is way before the days of pedophiles and my parents trusted me. They were…